Posted in Recovery, Self-Love

A Sword that Heals: Honoring Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. with Personal Nonviolence

“Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon. It is a weapon unique in history, which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals…” 

– Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.


I would have never seen it or admitted it at the time but I was once a very violent person. I was violent with my words. I was violent with my silence when I wanted to be. I was violent in almost every way I interacted with the people in my life whom I loved but who were affected by the diseases of Alcoholism and Addiction. I was even violent in the way I judged, neglected, and mistreated myself. Continue reading “A Sword that Heals: Honoring Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. with Personal Nonviolence”

Posted in Step One

Finding out I am powerless over Alcohol: My thoughts on Step One

To read the introduction to my 12 Step Series and to find links to all of my 12 Step posts in one place as they become available, click here.


Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol –

that our lives had become unmanageable.


At its core, Step One is about understanding and completely accepting that we cannot control other people. It might sound simple enough in theory but it can be really hard for many of us Adult Children of Alcoholics to allow this truth to settle into our minds and hearts. Continue reading “Finding out I am powerless over Alcohol: My thoughts on Step One”

Posted in 12 Steps, Al-Anon

Succeeding in Recovery: Working the 12 Steps

The 12 Steps are the lifeblood of any 12 Step Program – whether it’s Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Narcotics Anonymous, etc. Personally, I see the 12 Steps as a road map to personal healing and relationships – they show you the specific direction to take to get you where you need to go in recovery.

Continue reading “Succeeding in Recovery: Working the 12 Steps”

Posted in Book Reviews, Children & Parenting

The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, PhD

The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children by Dr. Shefali Tsabury is a parenting book with a unique view on the parent-child relationship apart from the traditional “DIY disciplinary” books that have been on shelves for so many years. Continue reading “The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, PhD”

Posted in Step Nine

Making Amends to my Mom

This is the letter I wrote and read to my mother as part of my Step 9 work. In my opinion, my mother and I have had a very strained and painful relationship for many years. My mother’s alcoholism, drug addiction, codependency, prison sentences, and her personal decision to not work through her own childhood trauma and programming made it difficult for her to parent me. I held on tightly to all of the pain and resentment and anger from my childhood for a long time and I treated her badly because of it.

Continue reading “Making Amends to my Mom”

Posted in Adult Children of Alcoholics, The Walking Dead

Why Maggie Rhee is a Powerful Force to be Reckoned with

SPOILER WARNING! By reading further, you take full responsibility for what you may or may not discover about the current happenings in the world of The Walking Dead. If you are not caught up with the TV series and do not wish to find out information that will, you know, SPOIL it for you, don’t read on. For real. We’re all accountable for ourselves here.

Last week’s episode of The Walking Dead (Season 7, Episode 5: “Go Getters”) was one of those rare episodes that felt hopeful and heartwarming and happy to me…and that’s saying something since it’s the zombie apocalypse and all.

So can we just talk about Maggie?

Continue reading “Why Maggie Rhee is a Powerful Force to be Reckoned with”

Posted in Adult Children of Alcoholics, Al-Anon, Harry Potter, Self-Love

Rollercoaster of Love

Imagine there is this roller coaster that you have ridden before and you absolutely hate it! It is the scariest, twistiest, loopiest, craziest, whatever. The point is that you cannot stand being on this particular roller coaster. Any time you’ve ever jumped on this thing, you’ve been a complete and utter mess afterwards.

Continue reading “Rollercoaster of Love”

Posted in Al-Anon, Harry Potter, Recovery, Slogans, Star Trek, The Nerdy Stuff

Giving up the Fantasy and Living Your Life

Okay, I know how funny it seems for me of all people to suggest that anyone give up anything having to do with “fantasy” seeing as I kinda believe deep down in my core that the Wizarding World could be real and my dream job is to join Starfleet as a Science Officer and spend many years boldly going all over the place…

Fear not, friends. I’m not asking you to give up any of that fantasy deliciousness.  Have fun with that stuff all you want! What I’m talking about are the not-so-fantastic fantasies: the expectations we create and hold onto about what our relationships and our families and our careers and our lives and our bodies are supposed to look like. You know what I’m talking about… Continue reading “Giving up the Fantasy and Living Your Life”

Posted in Self-Love, Step Nine

Making Amends to Myself

This is the letter I wrote to myself as part of my Step 9 Amends…

Dear Cassandra,

I am so very proud of you.  You have been brave and vulnerable and strong and weak, all at appropriate times, and this whole process has been beautiful to watch. Thank you. With all of my heart, thank you – for saying “yes,” for taking the journey, for both surrendering and fighting when necessary, and for just being you.

Continue reading “Making Amends to Myself”

Posted in Book Reviews

I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway by Tracy McMillan

In I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway, Tracy McMillan tells the story of her life while strangely and paradoxically telling important aspects of my own story too. It’s like magic! Except it’s not…because like I say in my About Cassandra Kali page, a lot of us who grow up in dysfunctional situations can find all kinds of similarities in our dysfunctional stories from childhood. Continue reading “I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway by Tracy McMillan”